鑽石舞台

中英文字幕

I'd like to introduce you to my mom.

我想將各位介紹給我的媽媽。

I'm guessing that's not what you expected, and it's not what I expected either,

我猜這出乎各位所料，其實這也不是我預想的，

and thank goodness I realized that an Asian man was not my mom before I hugged him, because that would have been so awkward.

謝天謝地，在我打算擁抱他之前，我意識到了這位亞洲男子不是我的媽媽，不然的話那就太尷尬了。

Recognizing people isn't one of my strengths due to a genetic visual impairment that has no correction or cure.

我並不擅長認出人們誰是誰，因為我患有先天性的視覺障礙，無法治療或矯正。

As a result, I am legally blind, though I prefer "partially sighted" because it's more optimistic.

所以，我是一個盲人，但是我更喜歡「視力有限」這個說法，因為聽上去更樂觀一些。

And I'm entitled to the label "disabled."

我帶着「殘疾」的標籤。

I hate the word disabled when it's used to describe people.

我討厭「殘疾」這個詞，當它用來描述人的時候。

It detonates a mindset of less than that utterly disregards capacity, ability, potential, instead prioritizing brokenness and lack.

這個詞引發了一種思維定勢（人的）能力、潛力和實力被完全忽視了，取而代之的是對殘缺和壞損部分的強調。

The perspective can be overt.

這個觀念是很明顯的。

What can't he do for himself that I'm going to have to do for him?

他有哪些事情做不了，我可以去幫他做的？

She'll probably need some accommodation that no other employee at this business needs.

她可能會需要一些幫助，而做同樣事情的其他員工是不需要的。

Sometimes, the hidden bias is so sweetly conveyed.

有時候，這種隱藏的偏見是用很暖心的語言傳達的。

"Wow, Susan, look at everything you've done in your career and your life.

「哇哦，蘇珊，看看你在工作和生活中做出的這些成績。

How did you do all of that and be visually impaired?"

你是怎麼能夠在眼睛看不見的情況下做到這些成就？」

I fail at being disabled.

作為殘疾人我不稱職。

So in the spirit of incentivizing the rampant failure of people all over the world and enticing the so-called normal to just give it a rest already,

所以為了向全世界的（殘疾）人傳遞這種相當成功的不稱職的精神，並且使得這所謂的正常人們能夠長舒一口氣，

here are five tips to fail at being disabled.

這裡有五條技巧讓你成為不稱職的殘疾人。

Tip one: know your superpowers.

技巧一：發現你的超能力。

The best team I ever led in my career was based on superpowers,

我在職業生涯中帶過的最好的團隊就是基於各種超能力的，

and we even gave ourselves fancy-pantsy titles like "the Pillar of Masterly Acumen."

甚至我們給自己起了各種奇特花哨的頭銜，像是「精湛敏銳的支持者」，

"The Biscuit Butterer."

「餅乾黃油俠」，

"The Voice of Reason."

「理性之聲」。

Because we relied on our strengths, our best strengths, we achieved tremendous outcomes.

因為我們依賴於我們的長處，我們最擅長的，我們取得了令人矚目的成就。

The trait that prevents me from recognizing my mom allows me to smoothly adapt,

那個讓我無法認出媽媽的特質讓我能夠平穩地適應，

to quickly absorb and accurately process an exhausting volume of cues, tease out what's important,

面對海量的信息能夠快速消化並精確處理，篩選出重要線索，

determine multiple processes or potentials for any situation that I'm in, and then select the one that makes the most sense,

無論我身處什麼場合都有能力處理多個事件或可能情況，然後從中挑選出最重要的一個，

all in a matter of seconds.

這一切都在數秒內完成。

I see what other people do not.

我看到其他人看不見的東西。

Some people think that's a superpower,

有人覺得這就是我的超能力，

but my real superpowers are ricocheting off of glass walls -- and letting my friends walk around with kale in their teeth.

但是我的超能力實際上是被玻璃牆反彈——以及讓我的朋友們牙縫裡塞着菜葉在我身旁走來走去，我卻視而不見。

It's true.

這是真的。

Don't have lunch with me, or dinner.

不要跟我共進午餐，或者晚餐。

Tip two: be supremely skilled, supremely skilled at getting it wrong.

技巧二：要超級老練，在事情出岔子的時候超級老練。

It is important to be as equally confident in your superpowers as you are in you FUBARs.

即使在FUBARS領域中也能保持自信，就像在你的超能力領域一樣，這是非常重要的。

That's "effed up beyond all recognition" for you millennials.

FUBAR就是這些千禧一代說的「搞砸了所有事情」的意思。

Here's a good example.

我有個很好的例子。

It is not a great idea to say,

說出這句話並不是個好主意：

"Don't worry, everything in here is too small for me to see"

「別擔心，這裡所有東西對我而言都太小了，我看不到」

when you accidentally walk into the men's room -- at one of the world's largest sporting arenas -- or anywhere.

當你不小心走錯了廁所跑到了男衛生間——這個世界上最大的體育競技場之一——或別的地方。

I really wish that one wasn't true.

我真的希望我說的不是真的。

I'm serious.

我認真的。

It is better to just walk out and let them think you're drunk.

更好的方式是不說話走出去，讓別人認為你喝醉了。

Tip three: know that everyone is disabled in some way,

技巧三：牢記每個人在某些方面都有局限性（殘疾）的，

like when you have a cold and you can't smell and you realize that the milk that you splashed in your coffee was sour only after you've tasted it.

就像是當你感冒的時候你鼻子聞不出來，只有當你嘗到嘴裡才會發現剛才你倒進咖啡的牛奶已經變質酸掉了。

Very recently, a woman walked up to me frantic.

不久之前一個女人徑直走向我。

She could not find the bakery she was looking for.

她想找一家麵包店但是怎麼都找不到。

As I motioned in the direction I thought she should go, saying, "There are no stores on this side of the street so your best bet is to cross --"

當我跟她說了我覺得她應該去的方向，說，「馬路的這邊是沒有商店的所以你最好是穿過——」

"Oh my goodness," she interrupted.

「我的天哪」，她打斷我。

"There it is.

「就在那兒。

All I needed was another set of eyes."

我需要的就是另一雙眼睛。」

I just let her have it.

我沒有糾正她。

I would have said that, you know, being logical and paying attention and staying calm would have done the trick, but who am I?

我當然也可以說，你知道的，投入足夠注意力保持冷靜，用邏輯思維就可以做到這點。但我何必呢？

Tip four: point out the disability in others.

技巧四：指出別人身上缺失的能力。

This one is best reserved -- very important note -- this one is best reserved for people you know well,

這一條最好是能夠保留給——非常重要的提醒——這一條最好是能夠保留給你非常熟悉的人，

because random strangers typically don't appreciate teachable moments.

因為偶遇的陌生人一般都不會感激被你教育。

A few years ago, my parents and I went to see the Rockettes, Radio City's high-kicking dancers.

幾年前，我和父母去看踢踏舞表演，無線電城的高踢腿舞者。

I leaned over to my dad,

我湊近我爸爸輕聲說，

"The two Rockettes on the left aren't kicking in a straight line."

「左邊那兩個踢踏舞者踢得不在一條直線上。」

"Yes, they are."

「不，在一條直線上。」

"No, they're not."

「不，不在一條直線上。」

"Yes, they are, and how do you know?

「不，在一條線上，你怎麼能知道？

You can't see."

你看不到啊。」

But I know what a straight line looks like.

但是我知道直線看起來什麼樣子。

I had snapped a picture during our back and forth and presented him the evidence that proved I was right.

我在我們爭論的時候拍了一張快照給爸爸看了證據，證明我是對的。

He looked at the picture.

他看着這張照片。

I leaned in further,

我進一步靠近爸爸說，

"Who's disabled now?"

「現在誰是殘疾了？」

Tip five: pursue audacious goals.

技巧五：去實現大膽的目標。

Flip expectation upside down and shove limitation off a cliff to meet its demise.

把你不敢想的預期作為目標，將限制你的東西推下懸崖，宣告它們的死亡。

There is a college football linebacker who blitzes, tackles, recovers fumbles while having one hand.

有一個大學橄欖球隊的後衛精通各種橄欖球戰術，儘管他只有一隻手。

There is a teacher who successfully transfers knowledge and inspires countless students while living with Down syndrome.

有一位老師成功地傳道授業，激勵了一代代學生，儘管她自己身患唐氏綜合症。

And for me, on my long list, to cycle from Kathmandu, Nepal, to Darjeeling, India on the backseat of a bicycle built for two.

至於我，我長長的清單上，（有一條是）騎自行車從尼泊爾加德滿都騎到印度大吉嶺，坐在雙人自行車的後排座位上。

It will be an exciting 620-mile adventure, and I'm sure I will have the blurry photos to show for it.

這激動人心的冒險長達620英里，我很確定我會在沿路拍攝很多模糊的照片。

Oh, before we go on, I forgot to introduce you to my mom.

哦，對了，我忘記給大家介紹我的媽媽了。

I need to do that.

我需要介紹一下。

And here she is, as she would appear to me if I were looking through a crowd of people looking for her.

這是我媽媽，如果我在人群中尋找她，她就會出現在我面前。

Or is that an Asian man?

也許錯認成那個亞洲男人？

Thank you.

謝謝。