(滑動查看雙語字幕)Valentine's Day is a good backup, right?情人節是個很棒的節日，對吧？ Yeah!是啊！ Oh, Valentine's Day!哦，情人節！ A day to express your feelings!可以盡情表達自己感情的一天！ Senpai will notice me for sure!!學長今天一定會注意到我的！ A day to get them hurt.會為愛受傷的一天。 Why Senpai, No!為什麼，學長，為什麼！ A day to realize your senpai likes your best friend.看到自己喜歡的學長和自己最好的朋友在一起的一天。 A day to cry.哭泣的一天。 Ok so in my life, I haven't been on many dates.好的，其實我到目前為止並沒有約會過幾次。 But these are my top 5 worst.但我還是列出了其中最差的五個。 Coming in at number 5!首先，第5個！ Well actually, I've only been on four...嗯，實際上，我只約過4…… Coming in at number four!!首先，第4個！ So this was actually my first date ever.所以這實際上是我第一次約會。 And I was like 18 at the time.我當時大概18歲。 Not many people asked me out before then.在那之前，邀請我的人不多。 Except that one guy who lived in the shed.除了住在棚子裡的某人。 So this guy was one of my teacher's sons.這傢伙是我一個老師的兒子。 So it was kind of a blind date.所以這有點像是相親。 He picked me up and took me to a Red Robin or something.他來接我然後我們一起去看Red Robin。 And the whole time it seemed like he was super uncomfortable, like unbearably so...整個過程中他看起來超級不舒服，就像是無法忍受什麼一樣…… I'm quite a shy person.我是個相當害羞的人。 But even I know how to read into the mood!但就連我也知道該如何調節氣氛。 I kept trying to get him engaged in the conversation.我一直在試圖和他聊些什麼。 And he would just give one-word answers.但他只會回答一兩個詞。 Like, Yes, No, Maybe...比如，好，不行，隨便…… 30 minutes felt like 30 years with this guy.和這傢伙在一起30分鐘感覺就像30年一樣長。 Until somehow, the conversation somehow turned to comics.直到不知何故，話題轉到了漫畫。 And he started on a tangent on the differences between Marvel and DC.然後他就突然開始談論漫威和DC之間的區別。 For about an hour.談了大約一個小時！ Once we got home, he tried to kiss me.他送我回家時想吻我。 And I literally just ran inside!我拔腿就跑！ I never saw him again.我再也沒見過他。 Okay, so it wasn't that bad of a date.好吧，其實這個約會也沒那麼糟糕。 But I can't stand super shy people, Okay?我只是受不了那種超級害羞的人罷了。 Like, I need someone to laugh with.我需要一個可以和我一起笑的人。 And I really didn't wanna hear any more about comics.我真的不想再聽任何關於漫畫的事了。 I'm sorry, I really am.我很抱歉，我真的很抱歉。 Coming in at number 3!第三個！ Double date.四人的約會。 This guy took me out on a double date.這傢伙帶我出去，和另一對情侶一起約會！ And while the other couple couldn't keep their hands off each other, like, literally.另一對情侶一直在那裡耳鬢廝磨，一點兒不誇張！ This guy wouldn't even LOOK at me.這傢伙連看都不看我一眼。 We went Frisbee golfing.我們去玩飛盤。 And literally I had to BEG for his attention.我真的都在明顯地想要吸引他的注意力了。 He didn't try to walk next to me, talk, or even acknowledge I was even there.他沒有待在我身邊，也沒有說話，甚至好像不知道我就在那裡。 Needless to say, I was so bored.真的，我太無聊了。 We went back to his apartment afterwards to have dinner, despite my reluctancy.之後，他也不問我願不願意，就帶我到他的公寓共進晚餐。 But honestly, he was my ride.但老實說，我需要坐他的車。 So what am I supposed to do, like...所以我就只能聽他的…… I had no choice.我別無他法。 While he was trying to impress me with his cooking skills, I had a fun time playing COD with his roommates.他試圖用廚藝驚艷我，但我卻沒管，和他的室友一起玩得很開心。 So, I guess it wasn't that bad of a night.所以，我想也沒那麼糟糕吧。 But I...但是我呢…… We had a date, or two after that.在那之後，我們有過一兩次約會。 And it just never went anywhere at all.我們其實哪兒都沒怎麼去過。 Number 2!第二個！ At collage me and some roommates got dressed up.在大學的時候，我和幾個室友盛裝打扮。 And we're taking pictures, in the woods, cause like, I don't know, we're dorks?我們在樹林裡拍照，就像一群傻瓜一樣到處擺拍。 My mom thought we were like, trying to be like Twilight, or something.我媽媽以為我們在模仿《暮光之城》什麼的。 Haha ha, no!哈哈哈，當然不是啦！ I had some homework that night.某天晚上，我有一些作業要做。 So I was in the campus library.所以我去了學校的圖書館。 A guy walked up to me and was doing the whole...一個傢伙走到我跟前，然後說…… Do I know you from somewhere?我在什麼地方見過你嗎？ Like were you in this class?你是這個班的嗎？ And I was, you know in my head I was like: Okay I see what you're doing.而我的腦海里在想：好的，我知道你在做什麼。 Stop.停止你那愚蠢的行為。 But I played along.但我沒拆穿，一直在配合他。 And we set up a time to meet.我們約好了一個固定的時間見面。 On this campus, every Tuesday they had a speaker, you know, talking about various subjects.在我們學校，每個星期二都會有一次演講，主題各異。 So I thought: hey, we should go out together, and go and see a talk or something and he agreed.所以我想：嘿，我們可以一起去看這場演講嘛，他同意了。 He was a little odd though.不過，他有點古怪。 Because every two minutes, since he got my number, he was like texting me about something.因為自從他拿到我的電話號碼後，每隔兩分鐘他就會給我發短信。 It got annoying pretty fast.真的很讓人討厭。 I thought girls were the clingy ones.我以為只有女孩才會很粘人。 I don't know.我不知道。 This dude couldn't do anything without my approval.好像沒有我的批准他什麼都做不了一樣。 He basically wanted me to pick out his entire wardrobe when we went on the date, like dude we were just listening to someone speak,他會讓我給他挑約會的衣服，他就很想聽別人的意見， like wear a t-shirt, I don't care.但是我不在乎他穿什麼，T恤什麼的我都無所謂。 He made it to the talk.他一直都在和我各種交流。 And the whole time, he bugged me like, super annoying.之後一直，他都在騷擾我，超級煩人。 He was so handsy, like, he wouldn't stop touching me like, everywhere.而且他的手也特別不老實，喜歡在我身上摸來摸去的。 He wanted me to zip up his jacket.他要我幫他拉外套拉鏈。 He wanted me to get him some water.他想讓我給他遞水。 He patted my head like an, I was some anime girl.他還會拍我的頭，就像動漫里那樣。 I'm like: Dude, I don't even know you.我心裡想着：天哪，我們都不熟。 Don't, stop touching me.別碰我！ And needless to say, I didn't have a second date.不用說，我和他沒有見過第二次了。 And coming in at Number 1!第一個！ This is a Date?這是約會嗎？ I didn't even know I was going on a date.我甚至不知道這是一次約會。 So one day on Facebook, back when my brony years of like, 2012, I met a guy online that went to my high school.某天我在臉書上，大概是2012年的時候，我在網上遇到了一個高中同學。 I finished high school a year early.我提前一年高中畢業了。 And I was going to community college at the time.當時我正在上社區大學。 I still had some friends that were doing their senior year.我還有一些朋友正在讀高四。 So sometimes I would sneak onto the campus for lunch and visit them.所以有時候我會偷偷溜進校園吃午飯，然後去和他們玩。 So me and this guy, we both like My little pony.所以我和這傢伙，我們都喜歡小馬寶莉。 So I thought: hey, sure, we can meet up at the school.所以我想：我們可以在學校里約會。 I mean like, why not?有何不可？ He was a little odd, like some people you can kinda tell.他有點古怪，而且大家身邊多多少少都有這樣的人。 That they're just, socially they're not very good?他們的社交能力好像特別差。 I don't know how to put it into words.我不知道怎麼用語言來表達。 But he seemed okay, he seemed nice though.但是他看起來人還不錯。 He started this weird thing, though.但是慢慢地，他的行為變得古怪起來。 He would kinda stalk my Facebook page, like LITTERALLY!他會窺視我的臉書主頁，真的！ Two seconds after I would post something?我發什麼東西，只要兩秒！ He would like comment, like.他就會評論、點讚什麼的。 And he would just be on there all day.他好像整天都在那裡。 And I was, I mean, that's fine.當然，這沒什麼不好的。 I think he was just trying to be supportive.我想他只是想表示支持。 But it was just a little weird?但就是有點奇怪？ He just seem like he was obsessed with me for some reason?他看起來像是出於某種原因迷上了我？ And obsession really turns me off.而且這種痴迷真的讓我厭煩。 Because I've had a lot of stalkers and really obsessed guys after me.因為我有很多追我的人，他們會視奸我的生活。 And it's just never, I don't know, it just makes you feel weird.但是這種感覺，怎麼說呢，會讓我感到怪異。 Now, I'll probably make a video about it sometime about all the stalkers I've had.我之後可能會做一個關於這些人的視頻。 And all those weird things they've done.當然還包括他們做過的那些奇怪的事情。 But I agreed to watch Big Hero 6 with this guy?然後，我同意和這傢伙一起看《超能陸戰隊6》。 You know, thinking like: Hey!我當時想的是：可以啊！ This is like we're just gonna hang out, watch a movie, I mean it's like, not like a romantic movie, so Why Not?我們只是在一起，看電影，我的意思是，這又不是一部愛情電影，有何不可？ I was 18 at the time and he was 15.當時我18歲，他15歲。 So having a relationship was like: No!所以我是不可能和他談戀愛的。 So, before the movie, we go out to eat, you know.在看電影之前，我們出去一起吃了飯。 And, we both pay for our own meals.而且，我們是AA的。 So, I think: Oh Yeah, we're just hanging out.所以，我覺得，我們就是一起出來玩。 It's all good.沒什麼問題。 He doesn't have to pay for me.他也不用為我買單。 This is NOT a date.這不是約會什麼的。 Yah!耶！ We get to the movie and he tells me that he has already seen it.我們到電影院之後，他告訴我他已經看過這部電影了。 So, I feel kinda bad that we're gonna watch it again.所以，我覺得讓他再看一遍感覺有點不好。 He insisted that it was cool if we watched it.但他堅持說沒問題。 So, I was like okay.所以，那就這樣吧。 So, we get there and we sit down.所以，我們到了電影院，坐了下來。 And once, I kid you not.強調一下，我沒有誇張什麼的。 LITTERALLY, immediately, once the movie started playing, he wrapped his arms around me and give me a hug.電影一開始，他就立刻用胳膊摟着我，給了我一個擁抱。 Like, now don't get me wrong, I had guy friends that did that sometimes.別誤會我的意思，我有男性朋友有時也會這麼做。 So, I don't really think much of it.所以，我也不是很敏感這個行為。 But, do you mind telling me why he didn't stop?但是，為什麼他一直摟着我呢？ For the entire movie???整部電影期間一直這麼做？ I didn't know what to do.我不知道該怎麼辦。 He was my only ride home.我需要坐他的車回去。 And I didn't want to hurt his 15-year-old ego.而且我不想傷害一個15歲孩子的自尊心。 So, he LITTERALLY sat there the whole movie A Big Hero 6, like that.所以，在整部電影中，他就一直這樣摟着我。 I said nothing.我什麼也沒說。 Once the movie was over, on the way home, he was trying to hold my hand.電影一結束，在回家的路上，他試圖握住我的手。 And I gave him like, the cold shoulder.我對他很冷淡。 I mean this guy, his mom drove us to the movies, okay?!拜託，他還是要他媽媽開車送我們去看電影的，好嗎？！ This guy never gave up on me though.不過，這傢伙從未放棄。 He befriended my brother.他和我弟弟成了朋友。 And all the time, he would come over to our house.每次有空，他都會來我們家。 My brother was a little annoyed.我弟弟有點惱火。 Because the guy was more interested in me.因為那傢伙對我更感興趣。 And not him.而不是他。 And he thought that we're friends.他以為我們是朋友。 And so finally, I just had to say that we're JUST FRIENDS.最後我要說明一下，我們真的只是朋友。 And luckily he stopped.幸運的是，後來，他終於不再纏着我了。
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