鑽石舞台

中英文字幕

A few years ago, I signed up for something called a 360 review.

幾年前，我報名參加了一場「360度評估」。

If you've ever worked in the corporate world, you probably have heard of this diabolical exercise.

如果你在業界工作過，就應該聽說過這種變態活動。

It's an anonymous survey with your bosses, peers and direct reports.

這是一種讓你的老闆、同事和直屬上司參與的匿名調查問卷，

And the idea is to get a panoramic sense of your strengths and weaknesses.

為了全面了解你的強項和弱項。

I opted for the colonoscopy version of a 360 review.

我報名的是360度評估的「腸鏡」版本。

Which included my wife, my brother and two of my meditation teachers.

包括了我的太太、兄弟和兩個冥想老師。

In all, 16 people gave hour-long confidential interviews.

總計16人參與了為期一小時的保密採訪。

And I was then handed a 39-page report brimming with blind quotes.

然後我收到了一份39頁長的報告，充滿了匿名留言。

I can tell you're looking forward to hearing the results.

我看得出你們很想聽聽結果。

Sadists.

你們就喜歡被虐是不是？

But I'm going to make you wait a second.

但是你們得等一會兒。

Because I should give you a little background on me.

因為我要稍微介紹一下我自己。

I used to be an anchorman.

我以前是一名主持人。

I worked at ABC News for 21 years.

我在ABC新聞工作了21年。

It was a very stressful job.

壓力非常大。

In fact, I had a panic attack live on the air in 2004 while delivering some otherwise mundane headlines.

2004年，我在直播時急性焦慮症發作，當時我正在播報一些日常新聞。

The good news is that my nationally televised freakout ultimately led me to meditation, which I had actually long rejected as ridiculous.

好消息是這次全國直播的驚恐表現最終把我指引上了冥想之路，此前我一直認為冥想太離譜了。

I was raised by a pair of atheist scientists.

我的父母都是無神論者。

I'm a fidgety, skeptical guy.

我是一個焦躁多疑的人。

And that kind of led me to unfairly lump meditation in with aura readings, vision boards and dolphin healing.

所以我一直帶有偏見地認為冥想就是氣場解讀、願景板、海豚治療之類的東西。

But the practice really helped me with my anxiety and depression.

但是冥想確實幫助我緩解了焦慮和抑鬱。

And so my goal became to make meditation attractive to my fellow skeptics by ditching the New Age cliches and liberally using the f-word.

因此，我的目標變成了讓我的多疑同伴們都對冥想產生興趣，從不再使用流行語和問候家人開始。

To my great surprise, this unorthodox approach turned me into a quasi self-help guru.

令我驚奇的是，這種非主流的方法讓我成為了一個準自救大師。

And a few years into this trip, I decided that I wanted to get a sense of whether my inner work was having outer results, you know?

冥想了幾年以後，我決定要搞明白我的內在改變有沒有產生什麼外在成果。

Was meditation making me a nicer person?

冥想有沒有讓我變成一個更好的人？

And that's why I signed up for the 360.

所以我報名參加了360度評估。

And now I will tell you about the results.

我現在可以告訴你們結果了。

The first 13 pages were dedicated to my sterling qualities.

前13頁讚美了我的優秀品質。

People talked about how hardworking and intelligent I was.

人們說我很努力，很聰明。

Many also said meditation had made me more caring.

也有很多人說冥想讓我更善解人意了。

But then came 26 pages of beatdown.

緊接着就是26頁的潑冷水。

The first blow was that some reviewers noted that I had a penchant for being rude to junior staffers, which was deeply embarrassing.

第一擊就是有的反饋者說我總是對初級職員很粗暴，我覺得太丟人了。

But it only got worse.

但是剩下的更不堪入目。

I was called emotionally guarded, a diva and an authoritarian.

有人說我防備心重、性情暴戾、獨裁主義。

I don't know why that's funny.

有啥好笑的。

Some people even questioned my motives for promoting meditation.

甚至有些人質疑我推廣冥想的動機。

It got so bad that at one point my wife, who was reading it with me, got up and went to the bathroom and cried.

鋪天蓋地的質疑讓我太太在和我一起看這些評論的時候，起身走去洗手間哭泣。

I think for me the most painful part was realizing that the aspects of my personality,

對我來說最痛苦的一點是我最為之羞恥、

that I was most ashamed of and had really tried to hide were in fact on full display for everybody.

最想隱藏的一部分性格特質，其實對所有人昭然若揭。

And those included my two most prominent and problematic demons: anger and self-centeredness.

包括我性格中最顯著、最惡劣的兩個惡魔：憤怒和以自我為中心。

Sorry.

不好意思。

I've never talked about this publicly before.

我之前從沒在大庭廣眾下說過這個。

Thank you.

謝謝。

I thought we weren't supposed to applaud authoritarians here at TED.

我還以為TED的觀眾不會給獨裁者鼓掌呢。

Bottom line, meditation had helped, for sure.

至少有一點，冥想確實有作用。

But I clearly retained the capacity to be a schmuck.

我這麼說絕對不代表我是個傻子。

And I am not alone in this.

我也不是唯一一個有這種感覺的人。

All kinds of bad behavior have been on the rise.

各種惡習都在消失。

Reckless driving, unruly airline passengers, violent crime, online bullying, workplace incivility, tribal antagonism, even general self-centeredness.

亂開車、暴躁的乘機旅客、暴力犯罪、網暴、職場不文明行為、族群敵對，甚至是常見的自我中心。

At times, it can really feel like our social fabric is unraveling.

有時我們真的可以感覺到社會關係正在緩和。

So after my 360, I decided to do some work on myself and to see if I could also learn some things that, by extension, might help the species.

在我的360度評估之後，我決定改變自己，看看能不能通過學習一些東西惠及全人類。

I pulled every lever at my disposal.

我竭盡所能大展拳腳，

I did psychotherapy, communications coaching, bias training, couples counseling and more.

從事了心理治療、交流指導、偏見訓練、婚姻調解等等工作。

And while I was really grateful to be able to do all of this stuff and all of it helped,

雖然我非常感激可以做這些工作，這些工作也確實讓人們受益，

I was still finding myself too often getting selfish or snippy.

但是我還是感覺自己總是會很自私或者暴躁。

So I signed up for a nine-day silent retreat where I would practice a kind of meditation that has been shown to boost your capacity for warmth.

所以我報名參加了一個為期9日的靜修營，於此我操練了一種冥想方式，可以增強你內心的溫暖，

It's called loving-kindness, which, as you might imagine, sounded to me like Valentine's Day with a gun to my head.

名為「慈愛」，你可以想象出對我來說，聽起來就像在情人節拿槍指着我的腦袋。

But I was in it to win it.

但是我勢在必行。

I really wanted to be a nicer person.

我真的想成為一個更好的人。

I kept getting tripped up though.

雖然一路磕磕絆絆，

Because the woman who was running the retreat, my teacher, her name is Spring Washam.

因為靜修營的營長，我的老師斯普林·瓦沙姆堅持說，

She kept insisting that if I wanted to be less of a jerk to other people, I needed to start by being less of a jerk to myself,

如果我想在其他人眼裡顯得不那麼混蛋，我就先得不那麼混蛋地對自己。

which I thought was the kind of thing you hear from Instagram influencers and spin instructors, so...

我覺得這就是網紅和健身教練會和你說的話，所以……

And she even went so far as to suggest that when I saw my demons emerging in meditation, I should put my hand on my heart and say to myself, It's OK, sweetie.

她甚至還和我建議如果在冥想過程中看到了惡魔，我該把手放在胸口，對自己說：「沒事的，寶寶。

I'm here for you.

我會陪着你。」

Hard pass.

沒門兒。

Pasadena.

絕對不行。

I was not going to do that.

我才不要這麼做。

But over the ensuing days of nonstop meditation, I did notice that my twin demons were in full effect.

但是在接下來幾天不間斷的冥想中，我確實發現我的兩個惡魔在上躥下跳。

My anger had me rehearsing glorious, expletive-filled speeches I would deliver to my boss about the various promotions I deserved.

我的憤怒讓我用華麗又髒話連篇的辭藻向我的老闆要求應得的晉升。

My self-centeredness had me writing my own five-star Amazon reviews for my various books, praising my elegant prose and rugged good looks.

我的自我中心使我為自己寫的書在亞馬遜網站留下五星好評，讚美我的優美行文和豪放文風。

And in the face of all of this roostering and rage, I layered on an avalanche of self-criticism.

這種自吹自擂和暴躁易怒的行為引發了我自我批評的狂潮。

I told myself a whole story about how I was an incurably self-obsessed, cranky monster who had cloven hooves and a retractable jaw.

我給自己展現了我是一個多麼無可救藥的暴躁自戀狂，和面目猙獰的惡魔一樣。

After about five or six days of drinking from this fire hose, I caved.

接受了五六天的瘋狂灌輸後，我妥協了。

Mid-meditation, I put my hand on my heart.

冥想中途，我把手放在胸口。

And while I definitely was not going to call myself sweetie, I did silently say to myself, It's all good.

我肯定不會叫自己「寶寶」，但是我悄悄地對自己說：「沒問題的。

Dude, I know this sucks.

兄弟，我知道感覺不太好。

But I've got you.

但是我會支持你。」

This was very strange and embarrassing.

這太奇怪，太羞恥了。

But in this moment, I had an epiphany.

但是此時此刻，我悟了。

I realized that my demons were actually just ancient, fear-based neurotic programs, probably injected into me by the culture, by my parents.

我發現我的惡魔其實是從小由恐懼而起的「神經病」，也許是文化、父母灌輸給我的。

And they were trying to help me.

這些惡魔是想幫我。

It was the organism trying to protect itself.

它們有自衛機制。

And when I stopped fighting them, they calmed down for a few seconds.

如果我放棄反抗它們了，它們就會消停一會兒。

I didn't have to slay them.

我不需要征服它們。

I just had to give them a high five.

我只需要勇敢接受它們。

And this counterintuitive extension of warmth was not, I realized, it was not indulgent.

我發現這種生長出來的違反直覺的溫暖的感覺並不是肆意蔓延的。

It was radical disarmament.

這是一種讓人徹底卸下防備的方式。

Here's the way I think about this.

我是這麼想的。

At any given moment, we humans have two choices or two spirals that are available to us.

在某個特定的時刻，我們人類面前有兩個選擇，或者說是兩種旋渦。

The first is what my friend Evelyn Tribole calls the toilet vortex.

第一種，我的朋友伊芙琳·特里波稱之為「馬桶旋渦」。

The reason why this looks childish and ridiculous is that I drew it myself.

這張圖看起來有點幼稚搞笑是因為這是我自己畫的。

It's OK, sweetie.

沒事的，寶寶。

You're good at so many other things.

你還擅長做很多別的事。

I probably shouldn't make fun of the thing I'm going to try to get you to do, but...

我不應該調侃我想讓你們做的事，但是……

The toilet vortex might start like this.

馬桶旋渦開始會是這樣。

You're picking on yourself.

你會對自己挑三揀四。

Because you don't like the way you look in the mirror.

因為你不喜歡鏡中的自己。

You're unhappy with your level of productivity or you have failed to achieve ketosis, whatever.

你對自己的生產力不滿意，你沒達成生酮減肥目標等等。

And then you take that out on other people and then you are feeling more miserable, and then down you go.

然後再加之於他人，就會感覺更糟糕，於是進入了旋渦。

The vastly superior alternative is what I call the cheesy upward spiral.

有一個好得多的情況，我稱之為「油膩」上升旋渦。

This one was drawn by a professional.

這張可是由專業人士繪製的。

As your inner weather gets balmier, because you've learned how to high-five your demons, that shows up in your relationships with other people.

你的內心感到更加平和之時，這是由於你學會了如何接受你的惡魔，也會體現在與他人的關係之中。

And because relationships are probably the most important variable when it comes to human flourishing,

人際關係可以說是事關人類繁榮的最重要的變量，

your inner weather improves even further and up you go.

你的內心大大改善了關係，然後你就騰飛了。

And that is the whole point here.

這就是我要說的重點。

Self-love, properly understood, not as narcissism, but as having your own back, is not selfish.

自尊自愛，對自己有良好認知，而非自戀，支持你自己，並不代表自私。

It makes you better at loving other people.

你就會更善於關愛他人。

And the flip side of this was on full display in my 360.

我的360度評估展示的是完全就是反例。

All the ways in which I was torturing myself showed up in my relationships with other people.

我折磨自己的種種行為產生的惡果體現在了我的人際關係上。

And as those relationships suffered, so did I.

這些人很痛苦，我也很痛苦。

Taken together, my two excellent drawings represent a kind of amateur unified field theory of love.

總而言之，我的兩幅傑作展示了我粗淺的關於愛的集大成理論，

I call it Me, A Love Story.

我稱之為「我，愛的故事」。

That's a deliberately ridiculous name.

我故意起了這麼一個好笑的名字。

But I am actually pretty serious about using the word love.

但是我可是正兒八經地在用「愛」這個詞。

Granted, it's a confusing term.

誠然，這個詞有點含糊不清。

Because we use it to apply to everything from our spouses to our children to gluten-free snickerdoodles.

因為我們把什麼都叫做「愛」，我們的配偶、孩子、無麩質曲奇。

But I am comfortable embracing the broadness of the term.

但是我很能接受這個詞的廣泛含義。

I consider love to be anything that falls within the human capacity to care, a capacity wired deeply into us via evolution.

我認為愛就是任何在人類關愛能力範圍之內的東西，這種能力自古以來深入骨髓。

It's our ability to care, cooperate and communicate that has allowed Homo sapiens to thrive.

我們關愛、合作、交流的能力，讓我們人類生生不息。

And it is a failure to exercise that muscle.

我認為沒有利用這些能力。

It is a lack of love that I think is at the root of our most pressing problems, from inequality to violence to the climate crisis.

缺乏愛，才是一些迫在眉睫的問題的根源，無論是不平等、暴力，還是氣候危機。

Obviously, these are all massive problems that are going to require massive structural change.

顯然，這些大規模的問題必須要有大規模的制度改變。

But at a baseline they also require us to care about one another.

但是至少，它們促使我們互相關愛。

And it is harder to do that when you're stuck in a ceaseless spiral of self-centered self-flagellation.

如果你深陷自我中心、自我折磨的無限漩渦中，就更難做到這點。

Thank you.

謝謝。

So I guess what I'm trying to say here is there's a geopolitical case for you to get your shit together.

所以我想說的一點是你得支棱起來，不然你還會「禍及」世界。

And the massively empowering news is that love is not an unalterable factory setting.

一個振奮人心的好消息是愛並不是一個無法調節的硬性設定。

It is a skill that you can train.

你可以鍛煉愛的能力。

It's actually a family of skills.

愛包括了很多能力。

After my 360, I learned a whole bunch of practices for upping my love game.

在360度評估之後，我學習了很多方式，提高愛的能力，

And I'm going to share two with you right now that I think would be very easy to integrate into your life.

我現在可以給你們分享其中兩個，非常適用於你的生活。

The first is to boot up a practice of loving-kindness meditation.

第一，嘗試慈愛冥想。

I should say that it does not require you to subscribe to some fancy metaphysical program.

你不一定要報名參加一些花里胡哨的玄學活動，

And it shouldn't take up too much time.

也不會花很多的時間。

Maybe a few minutes a couple of times a week to start.

也許從每周多次幾分鐘開始。

The instructions are really simple.

規則很簡單。

Find a reasonably quiet place.

找一個安靜的地方。

Assume a comfortable position, close your eyes and begin by envisioning a really easy person.

找一個安靜的姿勢，閉上眼睛，想象一個和你關係不錯的人。

Maybe a good friend, maybe a pet.

可以是你的朋友，你的寵物。

And then you repeat in your mind four phrases.

然後在腦海中重複這四個詞組：

May you be happy.

「願你快樂。

May you be safe.

願你安全。

May you be healthy.

願你健康。

May you live with ease.

願你自在。」

After you've generated a little warmth, you do a bait-and-switch and move onto yourself.

在產生了一些溫暖之後，你可以把目光轉向你自己。

Once again, you conjure the image and send the phrases.

再來一次，想象畫面，默念詞組。

After that, it's on to a mentor, somebody who's helped you in your life.

然後想象一個導師，在你的人生中給予你幫助的人。

Then a neutral person, somebody you might overlook.

然後是一個無關痛癢的人，可能你會忽視的人。

Then a difficult person, probably not hard to find.

然後是一個討厭的人，應該不難找。

And then we finish with all beings everywhere.

然後我們就着眼全人類了。

To some of you, this may seem forced and treacly.

也許對一些人來說，這太強迫了，還有點噁心。

But it's worth noting that the research shows that this practice has physiological,

但是值得注意的是，研究表明這個過程會產生生理上、

psychological and even behavioral benefits.

心理上，甚至是行為上的益處。

The other practice I'm going to recommend is to start consciously counterprogramming against your inner critic.

我還想推薦另一個方式，就是有意識地抑制你對自己的吐槽。

Next time you notice yourself going down the toilet, if nobody's looking,

下次你去洗手間的時候，如果四下無人，

put your hand on your heart and talk to yourself the way you would talk to a good friend.

你就可以把手放在胸口，像和一個好朋友說話一樣自言自語。

For ambitious people, this may be a little scary.

對「硬漢」性格的人來說，這可能有點嚇人。

You might fear it's going to erode your edge.

你可能會覺得這太沒面子了。

But research shows that this process of replacing your sadistic inner tyrant with a supportive inner coach,

但是研究表明，這個過程——拋棄罵罵咧咧的事兒精，選擇支持你的教練，

who has high standards but is not a jerk about it,

它可能會高標準，但絕不是個混蛋，

makes you more likely to reach your goals.

會讓你更有可能達成目標。

Now, I will cop to the fact that even though I've now retired from my job as a news man and am a full-time meditation evangelist,

我想說一個情況，雖然我作為一個新聞人已經退休了，現在是一個全職的冥想推廣人。

I still go down the toilet on the regular.

我還是會時不時陷入馬桶旋渦。

But I'm much more likely to access the upward spiral these days.

但是最近，我進入上升旋渦的頻率增加了。

In fact, three years after my 360, I got another one.

在我參加360度評估的三年後，我又參加了一次。

Because I never learn.

因為我不長記性。

And this one was way different.

這次就截然不同了。

People gushed about how much I had changed as a friend and a mentor and a colleague.

人們紛紛表示我作為朋友、導師、同事，改變得太多了。

They talked about specific meetings where I used to be a prosecutor and was now delightful.

他們還提到了一些會議，以前我會是咄咄逼人的「檢察官」，而現在讓人愉悅。

One person said: His ego is shrinking,

一個人說道：「他的自負減少了。」

which I think was a compliment.

我覺得是在誇我。

And another person said: He’s finding his heart,

還有一個人說：「他找到了心之所向。」

which the new me let pass.

洗心革面的我就不追究這句了。

After she finished reading, my wife turned to me and said: Congratulations, now you're boring.

我的太太看完之後和我說：「恭喜你成為了一個無聊的人。」

I'm hoping that was a joke.

但願這只是玩笑話。

Because in my opinion, upping your love game is anything but boring.

因為我認為提高愛的能力絕對不是無聊的。

It's countercultural because it cuts against the never-enoughness and always-behindness that society seems to want us to feel.

這與我們的文化相反，因為它與社會想讓我們學會的貪得無厭和畏畏縮縮背道而馳。

It's courageous because it's hard to look at your demons.

這需要很大的勇氣，因為直視惡魔不是一件易事。

And it's happiness-producing because when you high-five your demons, they don't own you as much.

這會讓你心生愉悅，因為當你接受惡魔的時候，它們就會少占據一點你的身體。

And all of that makes you more generous and more available.

這些都能讓你胸懷更寬廣、更開放。

If that sounds grandiose or touchy-feely to you, let me put it to you another way.

如果你覺得聽起來太宏大，或者有點矯揉造作，我也可以這麼說。

The view is so much better when you pull your head out of your ass.

如果你不嘰嘰歪歪，趕緊支棱起來，世界會更美好。

Thank you very much.

謝謝。