Why You Keep Failing at Self-Discipline
There’s a widely-held belief that self-discipline means being able to do something when you don’t actually want to do it. People who believe this think that self-discipline means going to the gym, reading books, or eating chicken and broccoliwhen you don’t actually want to. For them, self-discipline means ignoring your authentic selfin favour of yourideal self.人們普遍認為，自律就是去做你不願意做的事。在他們眼中，當你不願意卻又去了健身房、讀了書、吃了低脂雞肉和西藍花，便體現出自律。自律就是忽視真實自我的感受、滿足理想自我的期待。But this view of self-discipline is completely deluded. Imagine that you』ve been taken prisoner by a criminal, and the criminal starts making demands of you. He says, 「Cook me dinner. Nowclean my house. Now go sleep in that corner.」 If you do these things even though you don’t want to, if you suppress your authenticityin favour of his ideal, does that make you disciplined? Or does it just make you a really good slave? An obedientprisoner? And what do you think will happen to youas you live more and more like a prisoner, continuing to do things that you don’t want to do, suppressing your authenticity in favour of his ideal? Will you love your master and be happy? Or will you become resentful, angry, and full of sadness, regretting the life you never got to live? Obviously, the answer is the latter.但是，這種觀點完全是蒙蔽人心的。想象一下你遭到了罪犯囚禁，他開始給你下命令。他說：「給我做頓飯。馬上給我去打掃房間。給我滾去角落睡覺。」如果你做這些不願意做的事，抑制真實自我的感受去迎合他的要求，這會讓你感到自律嗎？還是說讓你淪為了聽話的奴隸？被剝奪了自由卻仍順服於他？若活得越來越像個囚犯，繼續做不樂意的事情，抑制真實感受去迎合他的要求，長此以往，會發生什麼？你會衷心擁護主人、生活幸福，還是會憎惡憤怒，悲憤不已，悔不當初？很顯然，答案是後者。Suppressing your authenticity comes at a cost. I know this from first-hand experience. There was a time in my life when I lived very inauthentically. Instead of following my sinceredesire to become a psychologistand philosopher, I studied engineering. I neglected my authentic self and followed the ideals of society. I thought I was doing what I should do in order to succeed and be respected by society. And in order to follow society’s ideals, I had to repress my authentic self. I told myself that psychology and philosophy were a waste of time, even though I felt called to study them. I told myself a life full of money was more important than a life full of purpose. And I told myself that society, and the people around me, knew what I should want out of life better than I do.抑制真實感受要付出代價。我便是個活生生的例子。過去，我活得十分不真實。我曾真摯地希望成為一名心理學家或哲學家，但是我卻學了工程，未能如願。我忽視了真實自我，對社會標準趨之若鶩。在我看來，為了成功、得到社會敬仰，當時我理應那麼做。而為了追隨社會標準，我不得不克制真實自我。即使發自內心想學心理學和哲學，我也告訴自己這就是在浪費時間，人生在世，榮華富貴要比壯志滿懷更為重要，而且人生該期待什麼，我想社會和周圍人比我清楚得多。And by repressing my authentic self, I became out of touch with my own true feelings, desires, and instincts. And this loss of connection took a very real toll on my health, causing me to develop lots of GIissues. For a deeper look at the science behind the connection between authenticity and health, I recommend reading Dr. Gabor Mate’s new book, 「The Myth of Normal」. Suppressing your authenticity will always take a real cost on your health. Forcing yourself to do things you don’t want to do is not self-discipline. It’s slavery, and every slave eventually becomes resentful, revengeful, and regretful. Sacrificing your authenticity for society’s ideal will make you miserable, not happy. And no matter how long you force it, you will always eventually fail in the long run. And that’s a good thing too, because who wants to live their whole life as a slave?克制真實自我後，我變得不了解自己的真實感受、願望和直覺了。這種失焦斷聯極大損害了我的健康，導致血糖出現問題。關於真實自我與健康為何有關聯，若想近一步了解，我推薦大家閱讀伽柏·梅特醫生的新書《正常之謎》。抑制自己的真實感受總會讓身體健康付出代價。強迫自己做不願意做的事並不是自律的表現。這是奴性，而且每個奴隸最終都會迸發憎惡悔恨之感，有了復仇的念頭。犧牲真實感受去追隨社會標準會讓你愁眉苦臉，並不快樂。而且無論強迫自己這樣做多久，最終都會以失敗告終。但這也是件好事，畢竟沒有人願意終身為奴吧？So what does it really mean to be self-disciplined?A truly self-disciplined person is a disciple of themselves. They’re an eternal student. Rather than trying to suppress, repress, control, or force their genuine feelings in a specific direction, they try to understand them. And through understanding, they learn how to allow their authentic self to flourish. And by allowing their authentic-self to flourish, they live lives of wholeness and happiness – not resentment and regret.真正自律的人追隨自己，做自己的追隨者。這樣的人一生都處於學習之中。他們不會試圖抑制、克制、控制或強迫自己要怎麼想，而是試着了解自己的真實感受，從而學會如何讓真實自我如繁花般綻放，繼而收穫完整充實、幸福美滿的人生，無怨無悔。But how does someone become a disciple of themselves in the first place?By discovering their own ideals, not society’s. They follow their own interests and confront the challenges that they personally feel called to confront. They walk a path that is their own, not the path society has laid out for them. They pursue what they genuinely want, not what society tells them to pursue. For the person who becomes a disciple of themselves,self-control is never an issue. There are no issues ofcontrol, because there is nothing to control.They move as one harmonious unit.要探索自己的理想，而非社會的標準。追隨自己的人會遵循自身興趣，迎接註定的挑戰。他們走自己的路，而非任社會安排。他們追求實際所想，而非任社會擺布。追隨自己的人，從不顧慮自控力。究其原因，是因為無需控制任何事物，他們做到了理想與現實的知行合一。If you force yourself to do things you don’t want to do, if you follow society’s ideal, your ideal self will repress your authentic self. You will become a slave in your own body, and your body will take its revenge. But if you become a disciple of yourself, if you understand your own genuine feelings, desires, and nature, if you discover your own ideal, your ideal self will work harmoniously with your authentic self to promote growth.如果你強迫自己做不願意做的事，對社會標準趨之若鶩，那麼理想自我便會抑制真實自我。你的身體裡會住着一個奴隸，伺機對你進行報復。但若你追隨自己，了解自己的真實感受、願望和本性，探索自己的理想，那麼理想自我和真實自我便會和諧共處、帶來提升。So here’s the secret to self-discipline. Self-discipline is not about forcing yourself to meet society’s ideal, but rather becoming a student of yourself. It’s about discovering your own ideal and allowing your authentic self to flourish.所以，自律有一條秘訣。要想自律，就不要強迫自己滿足社會標準，而是要學着了解自己，探索自己的理想，讓真實自我如繁花般綻放。本期譯製團：
翻譯：歐歐
總校：小良哥
source:The Art of Improvement
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