我們很多人會自然而然地擔憂：別人眼裡的自己是怎樣的？我們在大家眼裡是好還是壞？萬一別人指責我們怎麼辦？萬一別人排斥和嘲笑我們怎麼辦？萬一我們在別人眼裡很賤怎麼辦？斯多葛思想家提醒，我們不可能控制不確定的世界。總會有惡毒之人、刻薄之人、甚至神經病，對我們評頭論足，說三道四，甚至試圖傷害我們。我們需要做的是，自己心裡要有一桿秤，清楚自己是怎樣的人。Stop Worrying About Your ReputationIt is natural for most of us to spend time worrying about our reputation: what others think of us, whether we are deemed good or bad by the community…我們很多人會自然而然地浪費時間，去擔憂自己在外面的名聲：別人眼裡的自己是怎樣的？我們在公眾眼裡是好還是壞？This can quickly become a painful topic, and our thoughts can descend into bonfires of worry. What if we are accused of something? What if we are ostracised and mocked? What if we become a pariah?這種擔憂很快就會演變成痛苦，縈繞在腦海，然後變成憂慮之火，逐漸燎原。萬一別人指責我們怎麼辦？萬一別人排斥和嘲笑我們怎麼辦？萬一我們在別人眼裡很賤怎麼辦？A useful way out of the panic was suggested many centuries ago by the Stoic thinkers of Ancient Greece and Rome. They suggested that we divide the topic of reputation into two parts.早在十幾個世紀前，古希臘及古羅馬時期的斯多葛學派思想家們，就提出了治療這種恐懼的有效方案。他們建議將名聲劃分為兩類。On the one hand, who we are and what we think of ourselves.And on the other: what other people may decide todeclare or say about us.Now, the Stoicsreminded us ofan important detail. We can never be certain of the second part of the equation; we cannot control the worldbeyond a certain point. There is always the possibility that someonevengeful,mean or disturbed is going to say something about us and try to damage us. We can never be completely assured that they won’t.這樣一來，斯多葛思想家重點提醒我們的細節在於，我們永遠無法確定第二類，我們不可能控制不確定的世界。總會有報復心重的人、刻薄的人、或者神經病，對我們評頭論足，說三道四，甚至試圖傷害我們。我們永遠不可能完全確保別人不會惡意對我們。This could sound likealarmingnews, but the Stoics wished us to take it on board with courage and then gain strength from focusing on the first part of the equation: what we think of ourselves.聽起來讓人深感不安，但斯多葛學派希望我們，勇敢接受這樣的現實，然後將注意力轉移到第一種定義，並從中獲取能量：我們如何看自己。And here, things are far, far brighter, because we are far more in control. We can calmly evaluate what we』ve done, what our hearts are like – and we can then come to a view of what sort of people we are, which can provide us with a vital bulwark against the possible vagaries and tempests of public opinion. We have a solid anchor. We can know who we are.說到這裡，我們豁然開朗，原來我們更容易控制的是自己。我們能夠冷靜評判自己的所作所為，所思所想。然後逐漸看清自己是什麼樣的人，這讓我們修築了一座保護自我的重要堡壘，以抵禦外部世界的反覆無常與輿論風暴。我們心中都有一桿秤，清楚自己是怎樣的人。Modern psychotherapy would add an important detail to this analysis. Our sense of who we feel we are is often highly distorted in a negative direction by our past – which can make us far more jittery about public opinion than is sound. Our sense of self is the result of how other people viewed us in childhood, especially our parents or caregivers. Some of us wander the world with an acute sense of shame and self-distrust that we absolutely don’t deserve, and we project a lot of paranoia and fear onto other people – primarily because we』ve been treated with disdain in our early years.現代心理學為這一分析增添了關鍵的細節。我們對自己是誰的感覺，經常會被我們的過去嚴重扭曲，並朝消極方向發展，使我們對大眾如何看自己感到更加惶恐不安。我們的自我意識，是童年時期別人如何對待我們導致的，特別是我們的父母或看護人。我們中的一些人，帶着強烈的羞恥感與不自信，在這個世上闖蕩，我們絕對不該如此，我們將很多偏執與恐懼投射在別人身上，主要是因為，童年時期遭受到了輕蔑的對待。We are going to start to feel a lot more solid and immune from the ups and downs of gossip once we become conscious of how negatively biased we』ve been and settle in our minds what we think we are worth – irrespective of either what figures from our past said or what someone around us now might suddenly decide.一旦我們意識到，我們是多麼消極，多麼偏執，並在內心明確自己的價值，無論我們擁有怎樣的過去，無論周圍的人如何風言風語，我們的內心將更加堅定，對滿世界的流言蜚語也更加免疫。The path to immunity from worry about reputation is going to lie in a far more secure and just handle on our own value.不再擔憂自己在外面的名聲的解決途徑是，更穩妥、更恰當地理解自己的價值。 本期譯製團：
翻譯：小良哥
source:The School of Life
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